Painful memories
by uber-cute-chibi
Summary: Light had won his battle with L. But at what cost? LxLight


Light walked down the quiet halls of HQ. He had won. He had won his battle between the great L. He had watched the light leave L's eyes as he died. Part of him couldn't stop chuckling. Part of him found it funny just how easy the great L had fallen to the great power of Kira. But part of him felt horrible. Part of him just wanted to un-do what had been done.

Light hated this side of him more then anything. It was the side of him that was weak. The side that told him that what he was doing was wrong. It was the side that had fallen in love.

Light came to a stop, leaning against the wall for support. His head and chest hurt. It felt as if someone or something was crushing his heart. He couldn't stop the tears that ran down his cheeks as memories came flooding back.

_L sat there, thumb to his lip, chewing on the nail. Light started at him dumb struck._

"_Y-you what?" Light managed to say._

"_I said I seem to have fallen in love with you." L said calmly._

"_But, well, I mean you think I'm Kira."_

"_Yes that is true." L stated looking at the roof. "So it means if you truly are Kira I have lost to you."_

"_Wait what do you mean?" Light asked. He had a feeling of what L meant but he didn't want it to be true._

"_I mean if you are in fact Kira I don't think I will be able to lock you away. My feelings will get in the way giving you the perfect chance to 'get rid of me' so to speak."_

_Light couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was a confession to him, with the fact of being Kira thrown in._

"_Ryuzaki stop talking like this." Light said with a soft smile._

"_I only speak the truth Light-kun." L cast a look at Light which sent shivers down his spine._

"_Well the thing is," Light paused. "I have fallen in love with you too."_

_There was a pause, but when Light looked up L was smiling at him. The sight shocked Light, because he had never seen L smile, let alone change expression._

"_I'm glad." Was L said, it was all he had to say. Light leant over and placed a soft kiss on L's lips._

"_I'm glad too." He said with a smile._

"Why? Why did I have to let it end this way?" Light sank to the floor as he continued to sob. He hated those memories. The ones that made he feel so weak and so venerable.

Part of him wanted to throw them away, get rid of them so they wouldn't come back to tear him down. But part of him wanted to keep them close, so he could always remember L. So he could remember the times they shared.

It was tearing him apart. It was killing him. He couldn't bear seeing L's face just before he had died. When he saw L fall he was glad his biggest obstacle was out of his way, but once he had caught him, and saw the light leave his eyes, it sunk in. He had just lost the one he truly loves.

Light let out a long, pain filled scream. He wanted out. He wanted L back. He didn't care if it cost him his life. He just wanted L back in his arms where he belonged.

But Light knew no matter how much he wanted it, it couldn't be. Because L was dead, and even if he did go to somewhere like heaven, Light wouldn't be able to join him.

_Light lay in the bed with L in his arms. L was warm, and despite the look of it his hair was soft, almost knot-less._

_It was moments like these that Light wished could last forever. But he knew when the morning came they would have to get up and go back to being L the detective and Light Yagami the suspect._

"_Don't look so sad Light." L spoke softly as he placed his hand on Light's cheek. Light place his hand over L's._

"_Sorry. I don't mean to."_

"_It's okay. Just try not to okay." L placed a soft kiss on Lights lips, which made Light smile._

"_I'll try."_

Light got up on his feet. He had to be strong. He had to. He was Kira. He was god of the new world.

"_I love you Light."_

Fresh tears stung his eyes.

"_I always will Light."_

L's words played them selves over and over again in Light's head.

"_I feel you are the first person I can truly trust Light."_

"I'm sorry." Light sobbed. "I'm so sorry L. I hope you can forgive me some day."

Light stopped crying. He looked around him. He had heard a whisper. It was very faint. He shook his head. He knew it must be in his head, the voice had after all sounded like L.

Fixing his suit Light made his way to the door just before he left he heard a whisper again.

"…_.I forgive you…."_


End file.
